


The Tale of Regis the Spy

by fourtypercent



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, I'm Bad At Tagging, No Plot/Plotless, Parent Cor Leonis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 17:12:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14453979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourtypercent/pseuds/fourtypercent
Summary: Regus spy's on the boys, Claus join's in to see what's going on. Oops! Something broke!





	The Tale of Regis the Spy

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure where this idea came from, I wrote some of it ~MONTHS~ ago and totally forgot about it. The doc wasn't even titled. Lame, right? On with the show! ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

King Regis just finished his tea and was going for an afternoon nap, his son may be a sleepy head, but Regis will forever hold the title King of Naps. He ascended the stairs towards his private chambers, but it was a series of voices that stopped him in his tracks.

“No, it doesn't go there!” Noctis said in a disgruntled voice.

“Dude, yes it does!” his friend, Prompto argued. 

Regis slowly approached his son's grand bedroom doors with caution, he heard some shuffling.

“Fuck, stop it! I said no!” Noctis again. He sounded upset.

“Dude, you know I'm right, so yes!”

“Listen to me, I said no!”

“Then turn it around!” Prompto sounded like he had venom on his tongue.

Regis laid a careful ear to the door, he heard plenty of movement, swearing and grunting.

“Fine. You were right. It doesn't fit. Guess I'll try something else” the pout in Prompto’s voice didn't go unnoticed. 

“Well just do it the way I said. Don't wanna get hurt do ya?” Noctis didn't sound too threatening.

“Noct, don't threaten Prompto.” Ignis’ smoother than silk voice was heard. 

“But Iggy! He doesn't know what he's doing!” Noctis countered.

“I'm sure he does, let him try again.”

“Fine” there's the sulky voice the king knows all too well. He was sure his son crossed his arms in defeat.

“Now Prompto, don't force it. Wait, not like that. Did you use any oil? It'll never go in without oil.” Ignis instructed.

“How much do I use?” more shuffling was heard. Regis pushed his ear closer to the hard, dark wood of the door. 

“More. More. Oh, we'll be here all day if you don't add more! Let me do it. Move out of my way, Noctis.” 

Regis could think of a million scenarios that could be going on behind the closed door, but one surfaced and caught the King’s attention. Was it possible that Ignis and my son are defiling Prompto? He took out a fine silk grey handkerchief with white skulls on it, the corner had RLC stitched, and he blotted under his nose to make sure he didn't have a nosebleed. When his handkerchief came back clean, he resumed his spying. 

Whatever the answer was, he didn’t hear what was being said so Regis listened for more. 

“Iggy, you've never handled one this big before, have you?” Noctis sounded smug. 

“No, I haven't. What are you some kind of expert now?” Ignis snapped at the prince. It's good to hear Noctis shot down every once in awhile, Ignis kept him humble. 

“I've done this with him before, you haven't. Now, move. Let me show him.” 

A deep laugh was heard next: Gladiolus, the Shield. “You kids have no idea what you're doing, do ya? Move it. Let a ‘real’ man show you how it's done.”

“Fuck you, Gladio” Noctis spat at him. Regis placed both of his hands on the door, willing his left ear to listen to more. He didn’t want his diadem to scratch the door giving himself away. 

“Out of the way, Princess, unless you want me to teach you a lesson, too.” Regis swore his face turned fourty shades of red.

“Asshat” Noctis muttered.

“Gentlemen, no need to get testy. We'll all have a go once we figure how to do it.” Ignis was trying to keep the peace. He suddenly raised his voice “No! Not like that! Gladio, no! You’re going to break it!”

A loud snap was heard and all four voices cried out in pain. 

“Fucker! That shit hurts!” Noctis snapped.

“Look what you've done, Gladiolus.” Ignis not only was great at scolding Noctis when he had it coming, but the advisor could talk down the giant of a man just by using his venomous voice.

“My bad” Gladio simply said.

“No shit, Big Guy.” Prompto huffed.

Several thoughts ran full speed through The Kings royal head: What was that snap? Did it hurt?, because it sure sounded that way. Would they need to leave his sons room to get a new whatever it was that broke? 

His train of thought derailed as he heard his son get closer to the door. His footsteps were muffled by the deep plush carpet but the heavy footed Gladio was easy to spot.

“Your Majesty!” Clarus had successfully snuck up on the King spying on his son and retinue. Regis jumped as he was called out. 

“Clarus! Shut the fuck up and listen.” Regis moved over creating room on the door for his personal Shield. He held up his pointer finger to his lips indicating Clarus to stay quiet.

“Regis, what's going on?” he whispered.

“I don't know, sounds saucy.” Regis wiggled his eyebrows. Clarus rolled his eyes and pressed his right ear to the door. 

“You owe me a new one. Your meaty hands can't do it. It's a delicate process. You need dainty fingers to get the job done right. Right Ignis?” Noctis had returned to where they were arguing. He could perfectly picture his son wiggle his fingers as he said ‘delicate process’. Regis let a quiet sigh, they now had more time to try to figure out what the four were talking about.

“What are they fighting about, Reggie?” Clarus whispered. 

The King shrugged. The chain on the back of his Raiment clicked. Regis paled. Did they hear that? Regis could still warp if he needed to, Clarus would have to run or make up an excuse on the spot if they were found out.

“Delicate? You really are a Princess. Can't wait until your coronation, you'll be know as Queen Noctis. All hail Queen Noctis! Don't piss him off, he like it ‘delicate’. I owe you nothing. I was just trying to help, you twerp.” He laughed. Out in the hall, Clarus had clinched his jaw and closed his eyes. He can't believe his own son called Noctis a Princess and then the future Queen. He was mortified.

Regis gently pushed away from the door. Clarus watched as the King turned away and took a few steps away. 

“Reg? You okay with this?” Clarus was thinking of how to punish Gladio, but if he mentioned that he knew he called Noctis ‘Queen Noctis’ he'd never hear the end of it. He saw Regis bow his head, his shoulders jostled, the chain swayed. 

Regis turned to Clarus, he was smiling and silently laughing, “‘Queen Noctis’? That's fantastic!” he wiped a stray tear away.

The two in the hall went back to the door, but Clarus went on the left side of the door. He can't put his right side on the door, the scratching of the diadem will give them away!

“Clarus. Move.”

“Regis. No.”

Regis pointed to his diadem “It'll scratch the door, then where will we be?”

Clarus shrugged, “Just take it off. Simple. Just cuz your king doesn't mean it needs to be your way all the time. Just suck it up.”

“Fucker.” Regis reached up and removed his diadem. 

“Now I know where Noctis gets his language” Clarus muttered and pressed his ear to the door. Regis held his crown in his right hand and placed his free left hand on the door. 

He marveled at his ring: The Ring of the Lucii. It looked rather stunning in this light, but he needed to get his head back in the game. He pressed his ear to the door. What have they missed? Where were they in the room?

“... but, you're correct. Save the hitting for the training hall, please. We don't need to break anything else.” Ignis was quick to keep the peace.

“It was my only one.” a slight pouty Prompto spoke, “It was a gift from Cor.”

“Don't worry Prom, Gladio’ll get you a new one.” Noctis told his friend. Regis could easily picture his son placing a comforting arm around his friend.

“No, I won't. If you didn't fiddle with it so much before I touched it, it wouldn't of broke.” a solid argument from Gladio, but he does have meaty hands. 

“Cor’ll be pissed off to hear you broke something he gave to Prom.” Noct lectured the behemoth.

“Cor? Pissed? Cor is always pissed. I've never seen him smile. Pretty sure it'll break his face if he tries.” Gladio scoffed. 

“Good thing Cor isn't here to hear that.” Clarus stated. While it was true that The Marshall rarely showed positive emotions, Clarus and Regis have in fact seen him smile. Usually it was just before heading off to battle, but a smile is a smile, no matter how fucking creepy it is. 

“The Marshall will be distraught, I suggest you remedy the situation, Gladio. We can help you, if you ask.” Ignis’ soft steps were heard. Perhaps he was comforting Prompto with the Prince. 

“It was old. It's alright. I just wanted to show you guys it because I thought it was cool.” Prompto sounded upset, but it was like he was trying to blame himself for the item in question being broken. “Not everyday Cor gives gifts.” It sounded like Prompto sniffled.

“Is he crying? Poor kid. I'll make Gladio sorry for breaking it.” Clarus made a fist and accidently lightly punched the door. 

“What was that?” Gladio had the ears of a bat. The two in the hall paled and backed away from the door, ready to make their escape.

“Stop changing the subject!” Noctis wasn't having any of Gladio’s shit, even if he really did hear a thump on the door. “You'll fix it better than how he got it. Don't worry Prom, it'll be okay.” 

Regis and Clarus let out a dual sigh. Clarus muttered a quiet apology to the King. 

“Majesty, Clarus. What are you doing?” Cor asked. The two at the door held their breath and turned to shush Cor. Clarus held up a finger to his lips, the same way Regis did to him.

“Something is happening in there, and we want to know. Our sons say we spy on them too much, but it's a father's duty to know what his son is up to.” Regis whispered to Cor. 

“Who's all in there?” Cor whispered back. His naturally deep voice wasn't made for whispering. 

“His Highness, Ignis, Prompto and my son. Something broke. Something you gave Prompto”, Clarus was quick to relay the information to Cor. 

Regis saw Cor’s hand turn into a tight fist. He tried to push Clarus out of the way so he could collect the broken pieces and Prompto. 

“Cor, be still. They don't know we're out here” Regis placed a hand to Cor’s shoulder. 

“You don't understand. I like the kid, he has spunk. I wasn't sure when the kids birthday was so I gave him a gift.” Cor tried showing emotion, but failed. He still appeared to be furious. 

“Surely, a gift is harmless. What was it?” Regis asked. 

“Just something I picked up years ago while in Niflheim.” Cor kept his answer short and simple.

“You may consider going back into enemy territory, Gladiolus broke it”, Regis informed Cor.

Cor pushed Regis and Clarus out of his way, and then he pushed the heavy door open, he used too much of his ample amount of strength and the door crashed into the wall. The four in the room jumped at the sound. The King and his Shield were quick to enter.

“Thank the Six they're all dressed.” Regis chuckled. He placed a hand to his beating heart.

“Why would we be undressed?” Prompto turned and asked Ignis, his eyes and cheeks were red tinged from crying. The advisor shrugged and said nothing.

They were trying to get an old revolver back together, Niff made, but the technology the Niffs used is out of the four Lucians hands. The broken pieces were piled at their feet. 

Prompto looked up at The Marshall, it took everything he had in him not to fall to his knees and cry at Cor’s feet and apologize for breaking a Niff made hand gun. Gladio was correct, Cor was pissed. 

“Kid, you okay?” Cor asked the small blonde. He saw Prompto bite his bottom lip, close his watery eyes and nod. “Let's go, son”, and with that he walked out of Noct’s royal chamber. Prompto collected the fallen pieces and place them in the bag the gun came in and quickly followed Cor. 

“What. The. Hell? ‘Son’?” Noct was dumbfound.

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at endings that have no smut.


End file.
